It has recently dawned on me that I do absolutely nothing outside of work.
No, that’s a lie: I’ve known for quite some time that I do nothing outside of work. I go to bed late, wake up late, make food and watch movies until I ride off to my job. Yeah, sometimes I motivate myself to go out and exercise, but lately when it hasn’t been too hot to run, it’s been raining. (Valid excuse, right?) I have a ton of fun at Bubba’s, interacting with tourists, shooting the breeze with friends, and feeling needed and productive for a quarter day. On top of that, I walk away with a nice wad of cash.
Sounds great, right? Maybe to you, but after a while, all that stuff up until I go to work gets old really fast. My life has shifted from easy and laid-back to lazy and a little sad. Every time I’m not waiting on tables, I’m waiting around until my next shift.
What about that second job you talked about getting in the last post? Yeah, I’ve only applied to Barnes & Noble. They weren’t actively hiring, so my application is just on file. Considering that most places hiring now are looking for holiday help, and I won’t be around for ten days out of December, I’m just gonna wait until January to look for a second job.
There’s that word again. “Wait.” I guess that’s what I feel I’m doing these days. Waiting. When you know something big is about to happen that’ll break your active, daily routine, it’s hard to motivate yourself to stay in that routine. I have hit many lazy stretches; before my trip to Seattle, before going back to Cali in the summer, before Leslie came to visit this Thanksgiving, and now, before I go back to Cali for Christmas. Only during the long weeks or months of routine do I actually go out and do something.
The thing is, as each day passes, the reality of my move out of Hawaii and cross-country road trip gets stronger. Will that feeling of waiting stretch over these next five/six months? I really hope not. But even if it doesn’t–even if I scrounge up enough motivation to carpe every diem–what am I going to do? Yeah, I can occupy myself by exercising more and writing more and reading more, but the reason, I’ve discovered, I don’t do those things often enough is that, frankly, I kinda get lonely.
So apparently that’s what all this wishy-washy rumbling has boiled down to: I think I’m just kinda lonely sometimes. That’s why I enjoy work so much. And that’s why, outside of work, I prefer movies and television and the Internet over exercising and reading and writing. The former three give a sense of interaction. It’s all so clear now. Y’all just witnessed a self-analysis via blog.
When I get back from California, I gotta find me a sport. Or a girlfriend. Or both.
One response to “Young Man Went West #28: Waiting”
i totes feel ya on the lonely bit. i’ve been a bit scared lately that the world will stop making movies and television shows and i’ll actually have to leave my house to get some face-to-face time.